RIP Yolanda (Jolie) Vega, Gold Star Mother

May Her Memory Be a Blessing

Some wounds never heal. Some loss is with you forever. And that’s something that takes a while to get used to.

I’ve lost so many friends, brothers, and allies that I can no longer remember them all. Their memories are now blurry, seemingly intertwined. Was he killed in my 2nd deployment? Was it an IED or an RPG? Did the Taliban kill him, or did he die during the fall of Kabul?

I often search my scarred memory for details, but with Jonathan Yelner, I don’t have to. His memory is always within reach.

This past week, Yolanda Vega, the mother of my troop, SrA Jonathan Yelner, passed away after a long fight with cancer. She was 54 years old.

I spoke to her a few times on the phone. We exchanged letters, but I never was able to see her. I should’ve tried harder. Unfortunately, grief takes its own path. Following Jonathan’s death, I buried the grief deep inside my soul, along with other horrors that those who’ve seen the elephant can only understand.

I didn’t deal with it. I thought it made me weak to sit in the pain. In fact, not dealing with Jonathan’s death made me brittle. I’m grateful I finally understand that. Grief is a part of life because death will always be with us, hanging silently in the back of the room, ready to make its presence felt.

A few years back, I was able to visit Jonathan’s gravesite with my brother-in-arms, Rtichie Mushfiq, our combat interpreter, whom we interviewed on Shoulder to Shoulder. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see Yolanda, though I spoke to his stepfather, who escorted me to his grave.

Ritchie & Jonathan before a mission in 2008 (Personal Photo)

There’s nothing you can say to these parents that will ever take back the pain and grief they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. However, you can grieve alongside them and tell stories to help us remember them. More importantly, we must tell our Gold Star parents that we will honor their children’s memories by striving to be the type of Americans worthy of such sacrifice.

Yolanda raised an extraordinary young man. Jonathan was an Air Force aircraft mechanic who volunteered to go to Afghanistan. Then, he volunteered again to be a driver for a team in the most kinetic part of our battlefield.

As I’ve written many times before, Jonathan volunteered three times: 1) to join the military, 2) to go to Afghanistan, and 3) to go to the most dangerous area on our battlefield.

It’s the type of bravery and heroism that takes your breath away.

Jonathan was also a Jew. As a fellow member of the tribe, we talked about this frequently during our training at Fort Bragg before we deployed. He was proud that he was going to a predominantly Muslim country to help them rebuild their war-torn country. He believed that this effort was important because it showed that we could work together.

Yolanda helped raise a man like that—and we are all the better for having had Jonathan on this earth, even if his time was cut tragically short.

I’m grateful that Yolanda is reunited with Jonathan.

May her memory be a blessing.

Yolanda Vega (Facebook announcement)