IMO, this post shows the absolute best side of you (not that you don't have tons of good qualities).
I feel that you are describing my life. What with severe depression that started at age 7 (don't ask why), leading to extreme social anxiety, leading to a virtual inability to speak, I feel that every step forward has involved rearranging gigantic obstacles, pressures, and forces within me, so that I could advance 6 inches at a time, leading eventually to a PhD.
The necessary quality we both share is atomic level determination.
Finally, I think when your mother went with you to the psych evaluation, she was joining you on your last deployment. How appropriate.
“How did you do it?” A lot of this also relates to being in a constant mental state of survival mode, which means you focus on the mission at hand rather than those slow degradations over time that you don’t notice because you’re literally living moment-to-moment in the fluid sense of time passing from the first-person perspective. At least that’s how it was with my shit. Other people will take notice of your changes before you do, and by the time you realize there’s something wrong you’re at that point of view where self-discovery is kind of like a layered onion made up of carpet rugs, and every time you peel one layer of carpet back you see the roaches all scatter out who have been living under there all along without your knowledge. Either that or your behaviors led to a life crisis that forces you to look back in greater detail as to how you got to where you are now.
Concur. I white-knuckled it. I learned how to operate under high amounts of stress. Now that I've taken my foot off the accelerator, I can see all the problems.
Will, Great read! As a commander in a deployed location as well as 2 non-deployed CC tours I figured this out relatively early on in my 2d CC tour. Being open and honest about yourself and showing that you are also seeking treatment (I ALWAYS went in uniform) you are letting your troops know that they can seek help without fear.
You are so right about this transition issue of repeating information and why can't the DoD records just stand alone for confirmation... Unless of course the symptoms pop up after you are in your transition out of the military... ( as you point out it was not the case for you but for some veterans that is true). Repeatedly having to answer the same questions again and again is exhausting for you'll. I would venture to guess this is one of the reasons why veterans do not want to file claims, deal with the VA at all, ...It becomes a barrier to seeking care.
And It was always my honor to support you and getting to accompany you recently was an extension of that. Going to all of those deployment leave takings and homecomings and transitions was equally an honor and this is what needs to happen to support all of our troops. I was fortunate enough to be there for this appointment --how lucky am I?
When I started my career change to supporting veterans and advocating for veterans issues you were was my inspiration, you helped educate me about veterans issues and "the why". As I have often said, you were the most important veteran and every veteran I ever sat across from became you in the sense that I would ask myself what would I want for you and that would help guide me on how to help them. Now you are becoming an enormous help to other veterans as well as to those who were under your command.
What I would love to have in place for every veteran transitioning out is a person in their community who could be that person if they have no one. Our country has still so much to do. You continue to light the path showing us the way --honesty about your needs....
IMO, this post shows the absolute best side of you (not that you don't have tons of good qualities).
I feel that you are describing my life. What with severe depression that started at age 7 (don't ask why), leading to extreme social anxiety, leading to a virtual inability to speak, I feel that every step forward has involved rearranging gigantic obstacles, pressures, and forces within me, so that I could advance 6 inches at a time, leading eventually to a PhD.
The necessary quality we both share is atomic level determination.
Finally, I think when your mother went with you to the psych evaluation, she was joining you on your last deployment. How appropriate.
Thanks, Kathleen. I appreciate you reading and commenting. I believe that's a fabulous point re: my mom.
Thanks. Few can understand how intense the struggle can be.
“How did you do it?” A lot of this also relates to being in a constant mental state of survival mode, which means you focus on the mission at hand rather than those slow degradations over time that you don’t notice because you’re literally living moment-to-moment in the fluid sense of time passing from the first-person perspective. At least that’s how it was with my shit. Other people will take notice of your changes before you do, and by the time you realize there’s something wrong you’re at that point of view where self-discovery is kind of like a layered onion made up of carpet rugs, and every time you peel one layer of carpet back you see the roaches all scatter out who have been living under there all along without your knowledge. Either that or your behaviors led to a life crisis that forces you to look back in greater detail as to how you got to where you are now.
Concur. I white-knuckled it. I learned how to operate under high amounts of stress. Now that I've taken my foot off the accelerator, I can see all the problems.
Will, Great read! As a commander in a deployed location as well as 2 non-deployed CC tours I figured this out relatively early on in my 2d CC tour. Being open and honest about yourself and showing that you are also seeking treatment (I ALWAYS went in uniform) you are letting your troops know that they can seek help without fear.
I applaud you sir.....well done brother!
Hey, brother, thanks for reading and commenting. Good to hear from you, my friend.
Long post warning :)
You are so right about this transition issue of repeating information and why can't the DoD records just stand alone for confirmation... Unless of course the symptoms pop up after you are in your transition out of the military... ( as you point out it was not the case for you but for some veterans that is true). Repeatedly having to answer the same questions again and again is exhausting for you'll. I would venture to guess this is one of the reasons why veterans do not want to file claims, deal with the VA at all, ...It becomes a barrier to seeking care.
And It was always my honor to support you and getting to accompany you recently was an extension of that. Going to all of those deployment leave takings and homecomings and transitions was equally an honor and this is what needs to happen to support all of our troops. I was fortunate enough to be there for this appointment --how lucky am I?
When I started my career change to supporting veterans and advocating for veterans issues you were was my inspiration, you helped educate me about veterans issues and "the why". As I have often said, you were the most important veteran and every veteran I ever sat across from became you in the sense that I would ask myself what would I want for you and that would help guide me on how to help them. Now you are becoming an enormous help to other veterans as well as to those who were under your command.
What I would love to have in place for every veteran transitioning out is a person in their community who could be that person if they have no one. Our country has still so much to do. You continue to light the path showing us the way --honesty about your needs....
And thanks for the kind words :)
Full circle. She as honored. I like Kathleen’s analogy that she was joining you on your last deployment.
Knowing yourself, both challenges and talents, and having the vulnerability to share it makes you real‼️Leadership needs that❣️
🫶🏻